I think that listening to this clip and considering its implications is well worth your 40 minutes. I can't not listen to this speaker from my frame of reference, which includes being a regular subscriber to this podcast, so I can't know what it's like for you, so I welcome your feedback. But I think you should listen. I then challenge you to come up with one concrete application for your life. It should be small, simple, and consistent with the message. I am going to try to do the same for myself. And I'll post it.
Adam
Download "Beautiful: The Courage to be Life's Missing Part" at http://askthequestion.ca/podcast.php
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
mostly about deconstruction; a little about my issues and control
I’m changing a lot. Or maybe my personality isn’t changing a lot, but my worldview is. It’s hard to write what it is, because it’s always changing. I’ve learned a lot of things at seminary. I’ve learned a lot of things in my discussion group. I’ve learned a lot of things at church. I can’t articulate them all. There’s too many, and they change too often.* Often the process is called deconstruction. It’s the process of dismantling false beliefs which have served as the foundations of your faith, so that you can put newer, better stronger ones in. But the reconstruction doesn’t happen quite so readily as the deconstruction does. So there’s a transition period there. Also deconstruction looks very different from everyone, but everyone has such a different lens of characteristics and experiences through which to view the new information. So whatever you think deconstruction is (or might be), you’re probably potentially partially right for yourself and probably mostly wrong for me (which isn’t meant to be demeaning, it’s just too hard). And I would tell you more about it for me, but it’s too long of a story to be attempted in writing (unless I decide to write a book). Suffice it to say that at the beginning I really welcomed it, embraced it, but didn’t realize quite what it was, because I know I’d come to be dissatisfied with a lot of the answers I’d received.
I’ve got so much more to say, but I can’t say it all right now. I’m so wary of posting partial thoughts because there is so much danger that they will cause an unintended response in the reader. But what else can I do? It’s out of my control, no matter how completely I write. Writing more perfectly only increases the illusion of my control. So it’s probably better (for now, for my own growth) to just post incomplete things and just ask you to take it all with a few tablespoons (as opposed to a grain) of salt.
Peace to you.
*this began as part of an email composition, but became unwieldy for that purpose.
I’ve got so much more to say, but I can’t say it all right now. I’m so wary of posting partial thoughts because there is so much danger that they will cause an unintended response in the reader. But what else can I do? It’s out of my control, no matter how completely I write. Writing more perfectly only increases the illusion of my control. So it’s probably better (for now, for my own growth) to just post incomplete things and just ask you to take it all with a few tablespoons (as opposed to a grain) of salt.
Peace to you.
*this began as part of an email composition, but became unwieldy for that purpose.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Mother
Happy Mother's Day Mom! You're the best. Where would I be without you? (I wouldn't!) You are a woman of God. You are one of the strongest and gentlest people I know. Sorry your boys are far away. Looking forward to seeing you in a month.
Love Adam
Friday, May 11, 2007
I am alive...
...and so are you. If you can read this blog, you are alive. You are in a state of "being." The way in which I want to use this word is to counter "non-being." If you are wary of approaching existential issues, don't read on.
The ideas of being and non-being are on my mind a lot these days. Actually, they've been on my mind a lot since Fall quarter, when Teta died and first read Paul Tillich's The Courage to Be. I had a bit of an existential crisis in January and February, which was probably a conflation of the previous two events with a study of the OT. I wouldn't say that it is resolved, but the existential axiety has definately been reduced by meaningful relationships.
But I still think a lot about non-being. In this regard, death scares me. Since gaining a little more of an idea of the understanding of life after death (or actually the lack thereof) in the Old Testament, and some alternate understandings of the Christian conceptualizations of the same, I am more scared than I was before. To be honest, the idea of non-being scares me shitless. Because all you can know is being. When you are in a state of non-being, you actually aren't. You can't know what non-being is because knowing implies being. You can't remember what being was like because memory implies being. You can't compare non-being to sleeping, because sleeping implies waking up and looking back. But non-being is permanent (at least in the way I'm conceptualizing it - if non-being wasn't permanent, as in a bodily resurrection, then it would be less scary, because you'd regain whatever awareness you had immediately after losing whatever awareness you had in this present life) so you can't look back on it. All of this is just dizzying to think about! And there is absolutely nothing to compare it to. Because you can't conceive nothingness. When I try to, it's absolutely petrifying.
So that's one of the things that I think about. I don't think about it too much, because I can't. It's too hard. I would lose touch with reality.
The other half of the discussion is being. Consider being. Consider that it is all you know. It is all you can know. Consider history. People having been being for centuries. What is it like to be someone? Someone else? Consider that you exist. I mean really consider it. You have to exist, otherwise you couldn't consider being. Consider that the Earth exists. Look at a tree in the middle of a field. Why is the tree there? Look at the way it arches out of the Earth. There it is. Consider the tree not being there. Look at the tree as if it were the first time you saw anything. As if you were looking through the eyes of an infant. Look at the tree as if you'd never seen anything but flat land. Be fascinated with the fact that, for no immediate reason, the flatness of the land has been disrupted by the presence of the tree. Can you see things in this way? I know you can. Just try to look differently. Look for the first time.
Thanks for your time. Your comments are appreciated.
You are alive.
Peace to you.
The ideas of being and non-being are on my mind a lot these days. Actually, they've been on my mind a lot since Fall quarter, when Teta died and first read Paul Tillich's The Courage to Be. I had a bit of an existential crisis in January and February, which was probably a conflation of the previous two events with a study of the OT. I wouldn't say that it is resolved, but the existential axiety has definately been reduced by meaningful relationships.
But I still think a lot about non-being. In this regard, death scares me. Since gaining a little more of an idea of the understanding of life after death (or actually the lack thereof) in the Old Testament, and some alternate understandings of the Christian conceptualizations of the same, I am more scared than I was before. To be honest, the idea of non-being scares me shitless. Because all you can know is being. When you are in a state of non-being, you actually aren't. You can't know what non-being is because knowing implies being. You can't remember what being was like because memory implies being. You can't compare non-being to sleeping, because sleeping implies waking up and looking back. But non-being is permanent (at least in the way I'm conceptualizing it - if non-being wasn't permanent, as in a bodily resurrection, then it would be less scary, because you'd regain whatever awareness you had immediately after losing whatever awareness you had in this present life) so you can't look back on it. All of this is just dizzying to think about! And there is absolutely nothing to compare it to. Because you can't conceive nothingness. When I try to, it's absolutely petrifying.
So that's one of the things that I think about. I don't think about it too much, because I can't. It's too hard. I would lose touch with reality.
The other half of the discussion is being. Consider being. Consider that it is all you know. It is all you can know. Consider history. People having been being for centuries. What is it like to be someone? Someone else? Consider that you exist. I mean really consider it. You have to exist, otherwise you couldn't consider being. Consider that the Earth exists. Look at a tree in the middle of a field. Why is the tree there? Look at the way it arches out of the Earth. There it is. Consider the tree not being there. Look at the tree as if it were the first time you saw anything. As if you were looking through the eyes of an infant. Look at the tree as if you'd never seen anything but flat land. Be fascinated with the fact that, for no immediate reason, the flatness of the land has been disrupted by the presence of the tree. Can you see things in this way? I know you can. Just try to look differently. Look for the first time.
Thanks for your time. Your comments are appreciated.
You are alive.
Peace to you.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Yes, I am still alive
Hi folks. What's going on? I have been too busy to post. Or wait, maybe not. Maybe I'm someone who believes that it's only worth doing if it can be grand. So I'm too busy to post long, profound, coherent monologues. But in that case, I'll never post. Because I only post when something (a drive to say what I need to say) pushes me past the that blockage (a need to do it perfectly). So why am I posting now? Because I have to tell you to start following CS Wiersma's postcast if you're not currently doing so. I've had this thought for a while, because I've been listening to his podcasts regularly for quite some time now. And I'd say that whatever your views are on Christianity or the church (and I know a lot of people with a lot of different positions), I think you'll enjoy and learn something from him. Non-coincidentally, the message I just listened to encourages someone to take small steps instead of waiting for big ones. Obviously the sermon was rediculously more complex and powerful. But anyways. As a result of it, I'm posting a small comment instead of all the things that are going on in my mind, not the least of which is the desire to respond to a challenge posed by a friend (MRWM) in a wonderful card to really say how I am doing. Right now, I am doing well. Generally, I am doing "I don't know." That is to say I am moody, so it's usually a dynamic mix of a bunch of emotions. But I'm also really at peace with that.
The link:
http://askthequestion.ca/
Peace to you.
The link:
http://askthequestion.ca/
Peace to you.
Monday, April 23, 2007
On becoming a spychologist
Hey folks. Long time no post. Why, you ask? It’s mostly because the two weekends prior to this were filled with activities and travel, so I didn’t do any homework (or blogging) on them. Because of that, my weekdays were filled with getting done the assignments and studying that I needed to do for class. So, no time for blogging.
FYI the comment directly below about Americanization was a joke. I am not applying for my green card, and I have no interest in getting citizenship (at this point, anyways). I do, however have my social security number, as I am doing some work for our lab and being paid for it. And of course I have my driver’s license.
I spent the Easter weekend in Phoenix with my dad and Stuart Orange. We golfed three days there. I spent last weekend in Costa Mesa at the California Psychology Association annual convention, with Dan and Stephanie. I also saw Relient K that same weekend. I was happy to be home this past weekend. Not having to pack and travel and be organized meant that it was less pressured and more relaxing (though I’m not saying I’d trade the other weekends).
I got rid of my myspace page today. Curt (of the Lehmann variety, of Fuller SOP, of OC, of Curt’s blog) offered a cogent rebuttal to my last presentation of this idea (see comments on the “What’s the deal with my brain…” post). I agree that all relationships are subject to masks. I also agree that we need down time and that we do waste time in other ways. I know that for me, I have not found myspace a way to keep connected to friends elsewhere. I also have not found it to be a constructive use of my time. Furthermore, I am annoyed by the intrusiveness of the advertising. I did choose to keep my facebook account, though I try to be as passive as possible on it, so I am not totally opposed to this. I still hold that there is a connectedness that is being lost in the proliferation of greater technological influence on relationships. I used the arguments by Levinas (which, as I hope I remarked in the other post, I only barely have an idea about) more to support a position on which side I may fall than to say that I fully and totally agree and identify with.100%. And I recognize that as with most forms of technology, there are more and less constructive ways of using it, and I do not absolve myself of responsibility in this regard. Nevertheless, I think it is important to be critically reflective on one’s self and placement of all resources. In general I’d like to be wise in that regard and myspace isn’t contributing to that for me.
Along with more thoughts on myspace, I have lots more to say about church, research, reading (for school and pleasure) but I’m tired so I’m going to bed. Ask me about it if you like. I may post again on all/some of them but for now suffice it to say that in general each of those areas are good spots for my right now.
Almost done: A reminder to go green! today is earth day, but last I looked we live on the earth all 365 days of the year (and 366 in a leap year) so treat it like it's the only earth we've got (cause it is).
Lastly a shout out to my bro Simon for his graduation from PRBI with a Bachelor of Biblical Studies this weekend.
FYI the comment directly below about Americanization was a joke. I am not applying for my green card, and I have no interest in getting citizenship (at this point, anyways). I do, however have my social security number, as I am doing some work for our lab and being paid for it. And of course I have my driver’s license.
I spent the Easter weekend in Phoenix with my dad and Stuart Orange. We golfed three days there. I spent last weekend in Costa Mesa at the California Psychology Association annual convention, with Dan and Stephanie. I also saw Relient K that same weekend. I was happy to be home this past weekend. Not having to pack and travel and be organized meant that it was less pressured and more relaxing (though I’m not saying I’d trade the other weekends).
I got rid of my myspace page today. Curt (of the Lehmann variety, of Fuller SOP, of OC, of Curt’s blog) offered a cogent rebuttal to my last presentation of this idea (see comments on the “What’s the deal with my brain…” post). I agree that all relationships are subject to masks. I also agree that we need down time and that we do waste time in other ways. I know that for me, I have not found myspace a way to keep connected to friends elsewhere. I also have not found it to be a constructive use of my time. Furthermore, I am annoyed by the intrusiveness of the advertising. I did choose to keep my facebook account, though I try to be as passive as possible on it, so I am not totally opposed to this. I still hold that there is a connectedness that is being lost in the proliferation of greater technological influence on relationships. I used the arguments by Levinas (which, as I hope I remarked in the other post, I only barely have an idea about) more to support a position on which side I may fall than to say that I fully and totally agree and identify with.100%. And I recognize that as with most forms of technology, there are more and less constructive ways of using it, and I do not absolve myself of responsibility in this regard. Nevertheless, I think it is important to be critically reflective on one’s self and placement of all resources. In general I’d like to be wise in that regard and myspace isn’t contributing to that for me.
Along with more thoughts on myspace, I have lots more to say about church, research, reading (for school and pleasure) but I’m tired so I’m going to bed. Ask me about it if you like. I may post again on all/some of them but for now suffice it to say that in general each of those areas are good spots for my right now.
Almost done: A reminder to go green! today is earth day, but last I looked we live on the earth all 365 days of the year (and 366 in a leap year) so treat it like it's the only earth we've got (cause it is).
Lastly a shout out to my bro Simon for his graduation from PRBI with a Bachelor of Biblical Studies this weekend.
Monday, April 02, 2007
American citizenship, here we come!
Well, I've finally got everything together to apply for my green card. I'll be dropping it in the mail tomorrow. After getting my driver's license last week, as well as turning in my application for a social security number (also last week) I decided that I really ought to consider citizenship. America is a great country, and I would be honored to move in that direction. A green card would be the first step. I figure since I'm gonna be living here for the next 5/6 years at minimum, it would probably be advantageous for a number of reasons. So wish me luck!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
No longer an invalid
Well, folks, the title says it all. I feel like a legitimate person again. "Why?," you ask. Well, I passed my driver's test. Before now, I couldn't legally drive here. That was partly my fault, as I had applied for a driver's license back in September, and wrote the multiple choice knowledge exam but as I am an international driver (and we don't have cars, or rules of the road in Canada) I had to take a behind the wheel test. So basically I got a learner's license, but rendered my Alberta license invalid. They didn't punch a hole in it, but I didn't want to take the risk in case they pulled me over then ran my name and I came up as a learner in CA system. I Didn't really have a reason to take the behind the wheel test (not having a car and all), so I never did anything about it. Finally got sick of it, and also knew that I had need to drive approaching, so I booked a behind the wheel test and, lo and behold, I passed! YAY! Now I have a little piece of paper which says I can drive. My snazy California drivers license and ID will come in the mail in a little bit (actually not so snazy - the pictures are in color, which is nice, but otherwise the card itself looks flimsy and cheap, not like the (relatively) new Alberta drivers licenses). But anyways, not being able to drive (i.e. to borrow a car, to help someone out if they've had too much to drink, etc) sort of makes you feel like a lame-o, even if you know that you can drive, just not legally. But now I no longer have that problem.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
“What’s the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane?”
I suppose it’s silly to choose to use a quote which reflects the lack of precision which is common in the use of our language as I try to articulate the jumble of neural connections that make up the flurry of thoughts which result in the appropriateness of the quote in the first place. (the about quote is from Perfect Situation, by Weezer. Insane is a legal term, not a psychological or psychiatric term and as a psychology grad student, I should know the different and use them properly.)
Okay, so what makes me think that I’m insane? My mind is always swirling. A woman had a part to play in it. Also, all the things I want to write about – school stress, relationships, reading and contemplation had produced a lot of thoughts over the last little while. I really ought to write more, or be more systematic in my writing. And a problem…most of these reflections were generated in the past two weeks. Now, more than half way into my spring break, and having typed out a number of them, they feel a lot lighter – they no longer carry the emotional valence that they did. So it’s hard to feel the motivation to continue to expand and fully articulate them. And even if I do, I’m not sure if I can do them justice. Oh well. Trying to let go of my hangups and perfectionism, because I know each of these thoughts is incomplete and replete with errors and contradictions. What you get is what you get. What I give is what I give. It’s okay.
On Mood
I have been moody lately. I’m trying to determine if I’m generally a moody person, or if I’m generally not moody but just experiencing more ups and downs. The argument for the former is that people close to me often see me as doing well; that I seem to present a fairly even demeanor, and that how I feel now feels distinctly different from the way I’ve felt when I can remember. However, the argument against that is my memory of the beginning of the quarter, when I struggled with questions of meaning and purpose, and before that with the adjustment from the move, including feelings of lonliness. But I guess I’ve got to distinguish between capriciousness and dysthimia. Probably what I’m doing right now is more of the first, and what I was experiencing earlier was the second.
My feelings about mood naturally lead me into the second question…
On Time
Time is a funny thing. You know it doesn’t exist, of course. Time is simply the arbitrary convention we have created for the idea that events follow each other in order. Things like seconds and minutes and hours and days don’t really exist. Days are probably the closest things to real, because they have “clear” (actually only “clearer”; less arbitrary) regular patterns with which we can work. But I digress – I’m not interested in the existence of time as much as I am in the role it places in our experience. It is an interesting phenomenon that we in the western world are so a slave to this things called time that we have created. Indeed, we are in total service of it.
And yet even this is not my concern. My concern is this: Why am I so impatient about the course of my life? Or, why is it that my mind races and my feelings ebb and flow over a short period of time, when things will be different. And why is it so hard to “put my hope fully in heaven,” which doesn’t even fall within the realms of time (as I understand it)?
I guess at times I feel anxious for things to happen, and yet it only takes three days for me to have the pressure subside. It’s not logical (I don’t think we humans really work off of a logical evaluation of much, actually). At times I feel like things happened so long ago, and yet when I think about it in the context of my life (assuming I live to even close to average age), it is such a small, small portion of it. My conception of time is perhaps more extreme (though not particularly impactful) – we’re talking the feeling that yesterday was forever ago.
On Food and Convenience
For lent I decided to give up chicken and beef. I already don’t eat pork. So that means I’m left with fish as my only meat source. I also still eat eggs and the like (didn’t go vegan here). What prompted this, you ask? The intersection of a number of things: conversation with Niveen, a Coptic Egyptian who participates in the Lenten fast prescribed by the Coptic Church; conversations with Lindsey, who had recently decided to go that direction; sermon at PMC at the beginning of Lent about Jesus’ fast in the desert as identification with those who don’t have enough. So I decided to go with it.
I have found it to be a good experience. For the first while, it wasn’t that hard. I was surprised. But it’s been a bit more of a struggle in the last few days. What has been the most difficult has been the lack of convenience. I have to work harder to make sure I eat a balanced diet and a wide enough variety of foods and flavors. I think it’s important to consider the role convenience plays in the way we make decisions. I think it’s often one of the highest priorities, though we’re often oblivious to role it plays in our decision process and end up rationalizing it or justifying it in some other direction with which we are more comfortable. I may keep up this direction after lent. I’m not sure yet.
On Philosophy and Quick Judgments
If you’ve talked to me since about November, you’ve probably heard me get excited about philosophy. In October, our discussion group has been talking about philosophy tangentially in connection with other things. It is easy to make quick judgments based on the selected readings and discussion. But since I started reading on my own, I’ve come realize (again) that you can’t dismiss anything too quickly. I think Plato is what started it. I don’t consider myself a Platonist.
After actually reading Plato, I was really impressed. I didn’t read all that much yet – I just a have collection of philosophical writings, so there are three or four dialogues scattered throughout the book and I’ve just read one. I’m certainly not about to convert back to Platonism, but I really liked his style and way of thinking. Just a good reminder to judge a book by its cover. But I tell you, these readings are awesome. There are so many conceptualizations which we have ignored, taken for granted or assumed to be true. When these are addressed, described and challenged, it gives you a lot to chew on. It forces you to look at yourself and the way you view the world.
On Thinking and Music
I love thinking, but it’s not always a blessing. Often I just get sick of it. If you see me walking around with my headphones a lot, or if you hear very frequently hear loud music coming out of our apartment door or my bedroom, you will know that I am sick of thinking. You will know that I have had enough of the constant barrage of thoughts on any number of (though usually only a few extremely salient) topics. This has been the case in the past 2 or 3 weeks. The context is usually such that something is on my mind (i.e. a woman or a philosophical concern) AND there is some other set of constraints (i.e. exams) which require my focus. The latter means I can’t truly devote my attention to the former because I have accorded some value to the latter and would not like to lose whatever advantages I might gain from performance on it because of a nagging preoccupation with my other concern (do you think I could have written that sentence in a more complex manner? I don’t think so.
Now that I have finished exams, I will permit my mind to become engrossed again in the manner I have discussed. The problem is that I end up not doing all the things that I need to get done, because they don’t have the immediate pressure consequences that exams do.
On Myspace, Blogging and Facebook
I was in the shower a number of weeks ago when a thought occurred to me. That thought was a connection between something I'd been doing (if only semi-dispassionately) and something I'd been learning about (if only tangentally) since sometime last fall.
The thought was this: What would Levinas have to say about myspace?
Emmanuel Levinas is Jewish philosopher who argued for the importance of the Other. He believed that we experience God in the face of the person with whom we interact. I don’t actually know too much about him or his writing. I’ve never read any of it directly. But I get a taste of it in my discussion group with Al Dueck. I don’t really want to get into the finer points right now (because I don’t know them), but you can ask me some time if you’re interested.
The answer to my question, I think, is that he’d probably see myspace as a form of murder. Levinas argues that
the Other remains infinitely transcendant, infinitely foreign; his face in which his epiphany is produced and which appeals to me breaks with the world that can be common to us, whose virtualities are inscribed in our nature and developed by our existence.
Basically what I take from that is that each person is so unique that trying to reduce them to a website made up a few pictures and a collection of words is tantamount to blasphemy. I have felt this at times when dealing with my own profile. I have felt like there is so much about me that is impossible to convey that it’s pointless. And I’m torn between wanting to convey myself truly and being silly about it because it’s impossible.
Indeed I was actually originally opposed to myspace, on the grounds that proliferating cyber-relationships would decrease the amount and quality of direct human-interactions. I received the advice of a friend who thought it was an inroad to connect with a person who I was not likely to run into easily on campus but wanted to get to know, and capitulated. Well, that crush quickly subsided (as they sometimes do), and I was left with a myspace account. Now most (but not all) of my “friends” are actually my friends here in Pasadena. Also, I end up just wasting time. It’s a quick escape from whatever thing that is bothering me, from stuff I don’t want to deal with.
I have a lot more in the way of reflections on myspace, but I’m tired of it already. Suffice it to say that I’m dropping my myspace account in the near future. I still want to be your friend. Just call me or email me if you want to talk, or get together, or invite me to an event, or tell me all about the answers to a survey which tell me about yourself. I don't want to put my email and phone number on here, but if you need either/both just post a comment and let me know and I'll get back to you.
I will keep facebook, at least until I win the Fuller Theological Seminary NCAA bracket! But I will re-evaluate it after that. I do plan to keep my blog, because of the readership. I understand that there is an inherent contradiction in that, following my diatribe against msypace. I don’t propose to put forward, let alone live out, a fully coherent framework for understanding these ideas. And, I’m always in the process of re-evaluation (So I could drop the blog too, but the feedback I get from that makes it less likely). I think we deceiver ourselves when we think that we can generate that type of framework. Challenge me if you want.
Okay, so I welcome your thoughts.
Okay, so what makes me think that I’m insane? My mind is always swirling. A woman had a part to play in it. Also, all the things I want to write about – school stress, relationships, reading and contemplation had produced a lot of thoughts over the last little while. I really ought to write more, or be more systematic in my writing. And a problem…most of these reflections were generated in the past two weeks. Now, more than half way into my spring break, and having typed out a number of them, they feel a lot lighter – they no longer carry the emotional valence that they did. So it’s hard to feel the motivation to continue to expand and fully articulate them. And even if I do, I’m not sure if I can do them justice. Oh well. Trying to let go of my hangups and perfectionism, because I know each of these thoughts is incomplete and replete with errors and contradictions. What you get is what you get. What I give is what I give. It’s okay.
On Mood
I have been moody lately. I’m trying to determine if I’m generally a moody person, or if I’m generally not moody but just experiencing more ups and downs. The argument for the former is that people close to me often see me as doing well; that I seem to present a fairly even demeanor, and that how I feel now feels distinctly different from the way I’ve felt when I can remember. However, the argument against that is my memory of the beginning of the quarter, when I struggled with questions of meaning and purpose, and before that with the adjustment from the move, including feelings of lonliness. But I guess I’ve got to distinguish between capriciousness and dysthimia. Probably what I’m doing right now is more of the first, and what I was experiencing earlier was the second.
My feelings about mood naturally lead me into the second question…
On Time
Time is a funny thing. You know it doesn’t exist, of course. Time is simply the arbitrary convention we have created for the idea that events follow each other in order. Things like seconds and minutes and hours and days don’t really exist. Days are probably the closest things to real, because they have “clear” (actually only “clearer”; less arbitrary) regular patterns with which we can work. But I digress – I’m not interested in the existence of time as much as I am in the role it places in our experience. It is an interesting phenomenon that we in the western world are so a slave to this things called time that we have created. Indeed, we are in total service of it.
And yet even this is not my concern. My concern is this: Why am I so impatient about the course of my life? Or, why is it that my mind races and my feelings ebb and flow over a short period of time, when things will be different. And why is it so hard to “put my hope fully in heaven,” which doesn’t even fall within the realms of time (as I understand it)?
I guess at times I feel anxious for things to happen, and yet it only takes three days for me to have the pressure subside. It’s not logical (I don’t think we humans really work off of a logical evaluation of much, actually). At times I feel like things happened so long ago, and yet when I think about it in the context of my life (assuming I live to even close to average age), it is such a small, small portion of it. My conception of time is perhaps more extreme (though not particularly impactful) – we’re talking the feeling that yesterday was forever ago.
On Food and Convenience
For lent I decided to give up chicken and beef. I already don’t eat pork. So that means I’m left with fish as my only meat source. I also still eat eggs and the like (didn’t go vegan here). What prompted this, you ask? The intersection of a number of things: conversation with Niveen, a Coptic Egyptian who participates in the Lenten fast prescribed by the Coptic Church; conversations with Lindsey, who had recently decided to go that direction; sermon at PMC at the beginning of Lent about Jesus’ fast in the desert as identification with those who don’t have enough. So I decided to go with it.
I have found it to be a good experience. For the first while, it wasn’t that hard. I was surprised. But it’s been a bit more of a struggle in the last few days. What has been the most difficult has been the lack of convenience. I have to work harder to make sure I eat a balanced diet and a wide enough variety of foods and flavors. I think it’s important to consider the role convenience plays in the way we make decisions. I think it’s often one of the highest priorities, though we’re often oblivious to role it plays in our decision process and end up rationalizing it or justifying it in some other direction with which we are more comfortable. I may keep up this direction after lent. I’m not sure yet.
On Philosophy and Quick Judgments
If you’ve talked to me since about November, you’ve probably heard me get excited about philosophy. In October, our discussion group has been talking about philosophy tangentially in connection with other things. It is easy to make quick judgments based on the selected readings and discussion. But since I started reading on my own, I’ve come realize (again) that you can’t dismiss anything too quickly. I think Plato is what started it. I don’t consider myself a Platonist.
After actually reading Plato, I was really impressed. I didn’t read all that much yet – I just a have collection of philosophical writings, so there are three or four dialogues scattered throughout the book and I’ve just read one. I’m certainly not about to convert back to Platonism, but I really liked his style and way of thinking. Just a good reminder to judge a book by its cover. But I tell you, these readings are awesome. There are so many conceptualizations which we have ignored, taken for granted or assumed to be true. When these are addressed, described and challenged, it gives you a lot to chew on. It forces you to look at yourself and the way you view the world.
On Thinking and Music
I love thinking, but it’s not always a blessing. Often I just get sick of it. If you see me walking around with my headphones a lot, or if you hear very frequently hear loud music coming out of our apartment door or my bedroom, you will know that I am sick of thinking. You will know that I have had enough of the constant barrage of thoughts on any number of (though usually only a few extremely salient) topics. This has been the case in the past 2 or 3 weeks. The context is usually such that something is on my mind (i.e. a woman or a philosophical concern) AND there is some other set of constraints (i.e. exams) which require my focus. The latter means I can’t truly devote my attention to the former because I have accorded some value to the latter and would not like to lose whatever advantages I might gain from performance on it because of a nagging preoccupation with my other concern (do you think I could have written that sentence in a more complex manner? I don’t think so.
Now that I have finished exams, I will permit my mind to become engrossed again in the manner I have discussed. The problem is that I end up not doing all the things that I need to get done, because they don’t have the immediate pressure consequences that exams do.
On Myspace, Blogging and Facebook
I was in the shower a number of weeks ago when a thought occurred to me. That thought was a connection between something I'd been doing (if only semi-dispassionately) and something I'd been learning about (if only tangentally) since sometime last fall.
The thought was this: What would Levinas have to say about myspace?
Emmanuel Levinas is Jewish philosopher who argued for the importance of the Other. He believed that we experience God in the face of the person with whom we interact. I don’t actually know too much about him or his writing. I’ve never read any of it directly. But I get a taste of it in my discussion group with Al Dueck. I don’t really want to get into the finer points right now (because I don’t know them), but you can ask me some time if you’re interested.
The answer to my question, I think, is that he’d probably see myspace as a form of murder. Levinas argues that
the Other remains infinitely transcendant, infinitely foreign; his face in which his epiphany is produced and which appeals to me breaks with the world that can be common to us, whose virtualities are inscribed in our nature and developed by our existence.
Basically what I take from that is that each person is so unique that trying to reduce them to a website made up a few pictures and a collection of words is tantamount to blasphemy. I have felt this at times when dealing with my own profile. I have felt like there is so much about me that is impossible to convey that it’s pointless. And I’m torn between wanting to convey myself truly and being silly about it because it’s impossible.
Indeed I was actually originally opposed to myspace, on the grounds that proliferating cyber-relationships would decrease the amount and quality of direct human-interactions. I received the advice of a friend who thought it was an inroad to connect with a person who I was not likely to run into easily on campus but wanted to get to know, and capitulated. Well, that crush quickly subsided (as they sometimes do), and I was left with a myspace account. Now most (but not all) of my “friends” are actually my friends here in Pasadena. Also, I end up just wasting time. It’s a quick escape from whatever thing that is bothering me, from stuff I don’t want to deal with.
I have a lot more in the way of reflections on myspace, but I’m tired of it already. Suffice it to say that I’m dropping my myspace account in the near future. I still want to be your friend. Just call me or email me if you want to talk, or get together, or invite me to an event, or tell me all about the answers to a survey which tell me about yourself. I don't want to put my email and phone number on here, but if you need either/both just post a comment and let me know and I'll get back to you.
I will keep facebook, at least until I win the Fuller Theological Seminary NCAA bracket! But I will re-evaluate it after that. I do plan to keep my blog, because of the readership. I understand that there is an inherent contradiction in that, following my diatribe against msypace. I don’t propose to put forward, let alone live out, a fully coherent framework for understanding these ideas. And, I’m always in the process of re-evaluation (So I could drop the blog too, but the feedback I get from that makes it less likely). I think we deceiver ourselves when we think that we can generate that type of framework. Challenge me if you want.
Okay, so I welcome your thoughts.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Upcoming weather forecast
Sat Mar 10: Sunny, 27/14C (80/58F)
Sun Mar 11: Sunny, 33/16C (92/61F)
Mon Mar 12: Sunny, 34/16C (94/60F)
Tue Mar 13: Sunny, 30/16C (86/60F)
Boo-yah.
Sun Mar 11: Sunny, 33/16C (92/61F)
Mon Mar 12: Sunny, 34/16C (94/60F)
Tue Mar 13: Sunny, 30/16C (86/60F)
Boo-yah.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Some interesting facts
Well, I finished the paper that I alluded to below. I would post it, but it's 13 pages long, and I don't want someone to plagarize it. So if you'd like to read it, let me know and I'll email it to you. (Acknowledgments go out my friend and neighbor Britta K. Phillips who edited my paper into the wee hours of the morning).
I have a moustache, with a soul patch. In case you are interested, you can check it out at my myspace page (see link to the right). If you don't have a myspace account, you probably can't look at my pictures, but it will show up at some point during the slideshow, or you can look at my friend Dan's page, as I am his "hero," as evidenced by my picture. You could also check out my Picasa web hosting page, found at http://picasaweb.google.com/a.a.ghali.
The reason I have a moustache is a phenomenon called Moustache March. I was introduced to it by Fullerites, but apparently it exists elsewhere as well. So now there are is a small but proud minority of men with moustaches walking around on campus. It's pretty funny. We'll all get together at the end of finals (Mar 15) to take pictures. From there on out it's our choice if we want keep it (maybe I will?).
I'm sometimes hard to get a hold of. This is because I'm never home, and I really don't use my cell for just chatting, so you don't phone it unless it's something big. If you want to talk for any extended period of time, what works best is to schedule a time to talk, probably using email, so that I can plan on being home, as I'm usually home from the library much too late to phone people in the evening (especially given the time difference).
I've been pretty good lately, though a bit up and down depending on certain stressors. I had my first final today, and handed in a major paper. Now I've got three final exams and a final project next week, then Spring break from Mar 16-25. Should all work out okay; I don't project that anything will be too crazy, and I'm really looking forward to spring break. Hopefully I can catch up on all the emails and paperwork I've been shirking throughout the quarter. I also want to go camping, I want to go to the beach, and I want to go golfing.
I have a moustache, with a soul patch. In case you are interested, you can check it out at my myspace page (see link to the right). If you don't have a myspace account, you probably can't look at my pictures, but it will show up at some point during the slideshow, or you can look at my friend Dan's page, as I am his "hero," as evidenced by my picture. You could also check out my Picasa web hosting page, found at http://picasaweb.google.com/a.a.ghali.
The reason I have a moustache is a phenomenon called Moustache March. I was introduced to it by Fullerites, but apparently it exists elsewhere as well. So now there are is a small but proud minority of men with moustaches walking around on campus. It's pretty funny. We'll all get together at the end of finals (Mar 15) to take pictures. From there on out it's our choice if we want keep it (maybe I will?).
I'm sometimes hard to get a hold of. This is because I'm never home, and I really don't use my cell for just chatting, so you don't phone it unless it's something big. If you want to talk for any extended period of time, what works best is to schedule a time to talk, probably using email, so that I can plan on being home, as I'm usually home from the library much too late to phone people in the evening (especially given the time difference).
I've been pretty good lately, though a bit up and down depending on certain stressors. I had my first final today, and handed in a major paper. Now I've got three final exams and a final project next week, then Spring break from Mar 16-25. Should all work out okay; I don't project that anything will be too crazy, and I'm really looking forward to spring break. Hopefully I can catch up on all the emails and paperwork I've been shirking throughout the quarter. I also want to go camping, I want to go to the beach, and I want to go golfing.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Discrimination
I was reading an article in the SEMI (the student paper on campus) a few minutes ago about gender discrimination in the church and it sparked this thought in my mind...
"If I were a woman, with all the exact same traits and characteristics I have now except only in female form (which I know is impossible, but it doesn't matter), and somebody told me that I couldn't do something, like be a pastor or an elder or a leader, I would probably tell them to 'suck my dick.'"
(which would contain its own irony)
It's interesting. I know that I've gotten a lot more exposure to talk about discrimination here than I have anywhere before. I've heard a lot about all forms of it (but mostly gender and race), in lots of different places (classroom, school paper, church, conversation, forums, etc). I've definately had to think more about it. But I've probably never really and truly put myself in someone else's shoes so simply and clearly as I did as noted above. I haven't really put any thought into really articulating my whole systematic framework for understanding gender bias in the world and in the church, and so the above thought is not the product of anything like that. But I do think it was a gut reaction, which holds validity too. (And it probably means I ought to conduct a more systematic study of the issue to come up with a well-informed perspective as well).
Anyways, for all of you who fall in any "reference group" (as opposed to "focal group" [new terms to replace "majority" and "minority" group, respectively, since women are not a minority but are discriminated against, also consider Blacks and Apartheid in South Africa]), I would encourage you to put yourself in the shoes of someone who (a) is discriminated against or (b) you discriminate against (!) and then say to yourself, "you can't do (whatever) because of (characteristic)". Then see how you feel. I think you'll find it an interesting exercise.
"If I were a woman, with all the exact same traits and characteristics I have now except only in female form (which I know is impossible, but it doesn't matter), and somebody told me that I couldn't do something, like be a pastor or an elder or a leader, I would probably tell them to 'suck my dick.'"
(which would contain its own irony)
It's interesting. I know that I've gotten a lot more exposure to talk about discrimination here than I have anywhere before. I've heard a lot about all forms of it (but mostly gender and race), in lots of different places (classroom, school paper, church, conversation, forums, etc). I've definately had to think more about it. But I've probably never really and truly put myself in someone else's shoes so simply and clearly as I did as noted above. I haven't really put any thought into really articulating my whole systematic framework for understanding gender bias in the world and in the church, and so the above thought is not the product of anything like that. But I do think it was a gut reaction, which holds validity too. (And it probably means I ought to conduct a more systematic study of the issue to come up with a well-informed perspective as well).
Anyways, for all of you who fall in any "reference group" (as opposed to "focal group" [new terms to replace "majority" and "minority" group, respectively, since women are not a minority but are discriminated against, also consider Blacks and Apartheid in South Africa]), I would encourage you to put yourself in the shoes of someone who (a) is discriminated against or (b) you discriminate against (!) and then say to yourself, "you can't do (whatever) because of (characteristic)". Then see how you feel. I think you'll find it an interesting exercise.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Paper - OT 504 - Writings
I'm writing a paper on the following psalm. The paper basically asks: What do we have here (i.e. from an exegetical perspective)? and So what do we do with it (i.e. from a theological perspective)? Guess what...it's not an easy paper.
Psalm 137
1 By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion.
2 There on the poplars
we hung our harps,
3 for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!"
4 How can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?
5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
may my right hand forget its skill .
6 May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I do not remember you,
if I do not consider Jerusalem
my highest joy.
7 Remember, O LORD, what the Edomites did
on the day Jerusalem fell.
"Tear it down," they cried,
"tear it down to its foundations!"
8 O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
happy is he who repays you
for what you have done to us-
9 he who seizes your infants
and dashes them against the rocks.
(The word of the Lord; Thanks be to God).
Psalm 137
1 By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion.
2 There on the poplars
we hung our harps,
3 for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!"
4 How can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?
5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
may my right hand forget its skill .
6 May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I do not remember you,
if I do not consider Jerusalem
my highest joy.
7 Remember, O LORD, what the Edomites did
on the day Jerusalem fell.
"Tear it down," they cried,
"tear it down to its foundations!"
8 O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
happy is he who repays you
for what you have done to us-
9 he who seizes your infants
and dashes them against the rocks.
(The word of the Lord; Thanks be to God).
Monday, February 19, 2007
Torn
Okay, so “torn.” I am frustrated right now. But my frustration is dissipated by beauty. And (from one frame of reference*) the sources are the same, which is why I am torn. My frustration stems from Caltech’s library policy. As you all know, I am a student at Fuller Theological Seminary. Their library is closed on Sunday (which is totally legit and I can respect that). But for me, today, I wanted to go to study somewhere outside of my house. So I went to a coffee shop and was there for about 1.5 hours, but I decided I wanted a library. So I walked over to California Institute of Technology (aka Caltech), because they are a large, secular institution, so (I assumed) very likely to have at least one open library today. They do, but their policy is their libraries are open 8-5 weekdays to anyone, and outside those hours, the libraries are only available for Caltech students and the scientists of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. This was very frustrating for me. I feel like the ownership/territorial/belonging values that this policy endorses are antithetical to the purported values of the University.
My frustration is mitigated because I am surrounded by beauty^. Caltech is an amazing campus, not because its buildings are beautiful, but because of the landscaping of the grounds. I am currently sitting in front of a 3 level rock pool surrounded by all sorts of shrubs, bushes and trees. On the rocks in and on the edge of the pool, turtles sun themselves lazily. The waterfall bubbles gently, accentuating the soft melodies of Phil Wickham on my iPod. And so it is in this environment that I find it difficult to harbor the feelings of resentment towards the previous encounter. Not because the “rightness” of the latter experience cancels out the “wrongness” of the former in any objective manner, but only because the subjective of peace engendered by beauty is incompatible with the frustration of injustice#, for me at this moment.
May you all search for beauty, and, moreover, may you find it.
*frame of reference is a current question that I’d like to explore, in light of the philosophical implications of it, but it would be long, involved and not particularly scholastically informed, not to mention not directly relevant to this discussion, so I will omit it.
^I think that beauty is a an important feature of human experience. I’ve had some reflections on it in the past, and though not as much lately, I think it would be good to re-incorporate into my thinking.
#justice has been a big topic for me lately. I’d like to explore it more in some writings as well.
My frustration is mitigated because I am surrounded by beauty^. Caltech is an amazing campus, not because its buildings are beautiful, but because of the landscaping of the grounds. I am currently sitting in front of a 3 level rock pool surrounded by all sorts of shrubs, bushes and trees. On the rocks in and on the edge of the pool, turtles sun themselves lazily. The waterfall bubbles gently, accentuating the soft melodies of Phil Wickham on my iPod. And so it is in this environment that I find it difficult to harbor the feelings of resentment towards the previous encounter. Not because the “rightness” of the latter experience cancels out the “wrongness” of the former in any objective manner, but only because the subjective of peace engendered by beauty is incompatible with the frustration of injustice#, for me at this moment.
May you all search for beauty, and, moreover, may you find it.
*frame of reference is a current question that I’d like to explore, in light of the philosophical implications of it, but it would be long, involved and not particularly scholastically informed, not to mention not directly relevant to this discussion, so I will omit it.
^I think that beauty is a an important feature of human experience. I’ve had some reflections on it in the past, and though not as much lately, I think it would be good to re-incorporate into my thinking.
#justice has been a big topic for me lately. I’d like to explore it more in some writings as well.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
It's funny
You know, it's funny. I'm experiencing my world in a few different realities. I think it depends on who I talk to, actually. Whenever I talk to people from back home, I have almost entirely good things to say. But when I think about my experience on a daily basis, it's not exactly "mountain-top" type stuff. And I wouldn't say it's been the subject of my conversations with my local friends. I don't think I'm lying either way, I just think certain things are more salient. And it's hard to convey true life when you talk for 5-20 min with a person thousands of km's away who you won't see in a long time and isn't part of your day to day context.
Furthermore, while getting ready for bed on Saturday night, I spontaneously realized* "Man, it's good to be alive." That is evidence of the tension, because it was accompanied by the realization that I hadn't truly experienced that feeling in a long time; though I'd been talking about good things, only at that moment did I realize* them to be true.
I also feel that at times, my brain is so full trying to keep track of everything I'm learning, all the deadlines I've got ahead of me for school and applications, all the possibilities for research, all the relational nuances, that at times I don't realized how I'm feeling. This is a new sensation, not more than 3 weeks ago I would have argued that I was singularly consumed by questions of meaning of purpose and engaged only in mindless distraction from the difficulty that those topics pose.
Furthermore, as I type, I wonder what type of forum this blog ought to be. As I process my current entry, I realize (please forgive the crudeness of this analogy) that this is a toilet bowl receptacle for mental diarrhea (it would be verbal diarrhea but I'm not speaking out loud). And that concept isn't particularly useful. I wonder if I could write about the interesting things I'm learning. My concern would that it might be difficult to follow if it were decontextualized. Plus, you might not be particularly interested in what I'm learning (or at least not as interested in it as you are in me). I suppose that a list of my actions and some superficial response might satisfy a happy medium. We'll see (seems like I end a lot of my recent posts like that). Salaam, Shalom, or in other words Peace to you.
*I use the word "realized" but I'm certain its not the right word. I would like a word that didn't imply the concept of mind, because it's more of a holistic realization. I considered a verbal form of kinesthetic, but decided that was too bodily. Here you see the issue of the mind-body dualism we have inherited from Descartes (or Plato, if you prefer), which we have blindly accepted as a true and valuable dichotomy, and now would fight to the death to hold on to, despite the fact that it is obviously (to me) an arbitrary delineation. (This, by the way, is what I am learning and I find it fascinating).
Furthermore, while getting ready for bed on Saturday night, I spontaneously realized* "Man, it's good to be alive." That is evidence of the tension, because it was accompanied by the realization that I hadn't truly experienced that feeling in a long time; though I'd been talking about good things, only at that moment did I realize* them to be true.
I also feel that at times, my brain is so full trying to keep track of everything I'm learning, all the deadlines I've got ahead of me for school and applications, all the possibilities for research, all the relational nuances, that at times I don't realized how I'm feeling. This is a new sensation, not more than 3 weeks ago I would have argued that I was singularly consumed by questions of meaning of purpose and engaged only in mindless distraction from the difficulty that those topics pose.
Furthermore, as I type, I wonder what type of forum this blog ought to be. As I process my current entry, I realize (please forgive the crudeness of this analogy) that this is a toilet bowl receptacle for mental diarrhea (it would be verbal diarrhea but I'm not speaking out loud). And that concept isn't particularly useful. I wonder if I could write about the interesting things I'm learning. My concern would that it might be difficult to follow if it were decontextualized. Plus, you might not be particularly interested in what I'm learning (or at least not as interested in it as you are in me). I suppose that a list of my actions and some superficial response might satisfy a happy medium. We'll see (seems like I end a lot of my recent posts like that). Salaam, Shalom, or in other words Peace to you.
*I use the word "realized" but I'm certain its not the right word. I would like a word that didn't imply the concept of mind, because it's more of a holistic realization. I considered a verbal form of kinesthetic, but decided that was too bodily. Here you see the issue of the mind-body dualism we have inherited from Descartes (or Plato, if you prefer), which we have blindly accepted as a true and valuable dichotomy, and now would fight to the death to hold on to, despite the fact that it is obviously (to me) an arbitrary delineation. (This, by the way, is what I am learning and I find it fascinating).
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Update
Hey folks,
I know it's been a long time since I posted last. It's hard to see how I will be able to post regularly. I don't have much motivation to post right now, because I'm in regular contact with a few people from home, and have lots of friends here. I'm sure there are lots of people who read the blog and I don't really know about it (sort of like the blogs I read). But it doesn't provide any reinforcement. Also, I feel like most of the things I do on a daily basis are not really post-worthy (i.e. I went to class today), while the questions I wrestle with in a deeper sense also don't really lend themselves to blogging (i.e. What is the meaning of life?). Furthermore, I have a lot of other more immediate pressures or interests (e.g. homework, or the kitchen is a mess, or there is this amazing book I could be reading). I've given a lot of excuses, here's my last one: The type of writing I do doesn't tend to lend itself to the type of time slot that I would have free to write (i.e. I write long rambling narratives, but I have limited time (and attention span)for writing).
All that aside, I'm still here. I decided as I was walking home tonight, having forgone an a (potentially) amazing talk on human trafficking, because my advisor had brought dinner to share after our discussion group (and didn't anticipate that others would have to leave immediately after - we all thought we'd eat during). So some others left but I stayed (and I don't regret it). This illustrates a couple of things which I like about my situation: There are frequent presentations regarding social justice on a whole range of topics from a wide variety of speakers; I have a great discussion group and network of relationships within it, that capture my attention. So those are a couple of the highlights.
A couple of other things I'm looking forward too...
There is a leadership retreat with ASC (The seminary's version of student council) this upcoming weekend. I'm not a part of the council but the retreat is open and I'm really looking forward to it. It will be about 1.5 hours away, towards Santa Barbara, and if the list of things to bring is an indication, it will be somewhat wilderness-y. A couple of my really good friends are going, so that is cool, but I will also have a chance to meet some others.
The other thing is that I have a meeting tomorrow with a lady from Union Station Foundation, which is an organization in Pasadena that helps the homeless and low-income families. I'm going to volunteer some time to work with them, probably starting in March. The lady I'm meeting with tomorrow works with a program to give job skills and assist in job searches. So it should give me some interaction which I'm looking forward to.
Okay, so that's all I've got energy for right now. The Oilers lost and I'm kind of sad about that, but I'm not too broken up because I've had to distance myself emotionally, since they've been bad since about November. We'll see when I post again. If I shoot for shorter posts, maybe just addressing one theme, it will help. I'll keep it in mind. Peace upon you.
I know it's been a long time since I posted last. It's hard to see how I will be able to post regularly. I don't have much motivation to post right now, because I'm in regular contact with a few people from home, and have lots of friends here. I'm sure there are lots of people who read the blog and I don't really know about it (sort of like the blogs I read). But it doesn't provide any reinforcement. Also, I feel like most of the things I do on a daily basis are not really post-worthy (i.e. I went to class today), while the questions I wrestle with in a deeper sense also don't really lend themselves to blogging (i.e. What is the meaning of life?). Furthermore, I have a lot of other more immediate pressures or interests (e.g. homework, or the kitchen is a mess, or there is this amazing book I could be reading). I've given a lot of excuses, here's my last one: The type of writing I do doesn't tend to lend itself to the type of time slot that I would have free to write (i.e. I write long rambling narratives, but I have limited time (and attention span)for writing).
All that aside, I'm still here. I decided as I was walking home tonight, having forgone an a (potentially) amazing talk on human trafficking, because my advisor had brought dinner to share after our discussion group (and didn't anticipate that others would have to leave immediately after - we all thought we'd eat during). So some others left but I stayed (and I don't regret it). This illustrates a couple of things which I like about my situation: There are frequent presentations regarding social justice on a whole range of topics from a wide variety of speakers; I have a great discussion group and network of relationships within it, that capture my attention. So those are a couple of the highlights.
A couple of other things I'm looking forward too...
There is a leadership retreat with ASC (The seminary's version of student council) this upcoming weekend. I'm not a part of the council but the retreat is open and I'm really looking forward to it. It will be about 1.5 hours away, towards Santa Barbara, and if the list of things to bring is an indication, it will be somewhat wilderness-y. A couple of my really good friends are going, so that is cool, but I will also have a chance to meet some others.
The other thing is that I have a meeting tomorrow with a lady from Union Station Foundation, which is an organization in Pasadena that helps the homeless and low-income families. I'm going to volunteer some time to work with them, probably starting in March. The lady I'm meeting with tomorrow works with a program to give job skills and assist in job searches. So it should give me some interaction which I'm looking forward to.
Okay, so that's all I've got energy for right now. The Oilers lost and I'm kind of sad about that, but I'm not too broken up because I've had to distance myself emotionally, since they've been bad since about November. We'll see when I post again. If I shoot for shorter posts, maybe just addressing one theme, it will help. I'll keep it in mind. Peace upon you.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Welcome to 2007
So I missed the Rose Bowl Parade. Oh well. I’ll have many more years to get to go see it. I went to Colorado Blvd on the evening of the 31st. I had originally gone over to a party with Roger and a bunch of our friends were there. A bunch of them wanted to save spots for the parade, so they had had people out on the street holding the spot. We went out and switched off with them. We hung out there for a while, then the rest of them joined us and celebrated the New Year on the street. It was decent. But it was cold, as we didn’t really plan on being on the street for a while. And I was tired, so when I went to bed I decided I wouldn’t set my alarm; if I got up in time, I got up. If not, no biggie. And as I already revealed, I didn’t make it up in time.
So my quarter looks okay, classes wise. I’m not particularly excited about any of my courses (Psychometric Theory, Statistics - ANOVA, Clinical Foundations II – CBT, Old Testament – Writings). But it’s 2 less credits than I had last quarter, so it won’t be too heavy. Hopefully I can work on my research some more to make good use of my time and get a good start on it.
I’m a captain for an intramurals basketball team. That’s why the post immediately below is there. Our team is called the RoadRunners, I found and edited that picture, which now also sits on our team page of the intramurals website. It’s pretty fun. My knee was still bugging me from snowboarding over break so I didn’t play last week but I played today. We lost in overtime, but it was a good, close game (obviously) against the defending champs and pre-season favorites.
My birthday was on Monday this week. Mondays are actually my long day, so I had class and groups from 1-8:30pm straight. I actually didn’t realize that it was my birthday until I had been up for a couple hours. That was probably because we had a party on Saturday, Jan 6th. There were a few of us in my class who had a birthday around the same date, so it worked out to have a combo party. It was a Hollywood party, so most people came as a movie character or Hollywood personality. On my bday after my classes I hung out with a couple friends in my building.
My internet phone isn’t working so that’s why you can’t get through to me and why I can’t phone you. If you want you can call me on my home phone land line; email me if you don’t have the number. I don’t know when the other one will be operational again (and if so, if it will have the same phone number or not).
So my quarter looks okay, classes wise. I’m not particularly excited about any of my courses (Psychometric Theory, Statistics - ANOVA, Clinical Foundations II – CBT, Old Testament – Writings). But it’s 2 less credits than I had last quarter, so it won’t be too heavy. Hopefully I can work on my research some more to make good use of my time and get a good start on it.
I’m a captain for an intramurals basketball team. That’s why the post immediately below is there. Our team is called the RoadRunners, I found and edited that picture, which now also sits on our team page of the intramurals website. It’s pretty fun. My knee was still bugging me from snowboarding over break so I didn’t play last week but I played today. We lost in overtime, but it was a good, close game (obviously) against the defending champs and pre-season favorites.
My birthday was on Monday this week. Mondays are actually my long day, so I had class and groups from 1-8:30pm straight. I actually didn’t realize that it was my birthday until I had been up for a couple hours. That was probably because we had a party on Saturday, Jan 6th. There were a few of us in my class who had a birthday around the same date, so it worked out to have a combo party. It was a Hollywood party, so most people came as a movie character or Hollywood personality. On my bday after my classes I hung out with a couple friends in my building.
My internet phone isn’t working so that’s why you can’t get through to me and why I can’t phone you. If you want you can call me on my home phone land line; email me if you don’t have the number. I don’t know when the other one will be operational again (and if so, if it will have the same phone number or not).
Monday, January 08, 2007
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I'm back. Did ya miss me?
(Notes:
Now I am in Edmonton until Dec 31. Come visit me.
I hope you like the new look on the blog.
What follows was typed yesterday.)
I am in a great mood. I am sitting now in LAX waiting for my flight to Edmonton via Calgary. So I’m sure that that is part of the reason. Another reason is probably the great conversation I had yesterday with my friend Britta. We talked about all sorts of things, including environmentalism, politics (including Darfur, Iraq and Israel), and other stuff I don’t remember. Also, this morning I listened to a sermon by CS Weirsma. It was fantastic – first discussing global warming, and then relationships. So yeah. I’m walking around the airport with a smile on my face, and everyone is looking at me sideways, because people in airports are supposed to be quiet, not look at anyone or make eye contact, not smile, just keep to themselves and their own business in a pensive or focused way. So my behavior which messes with people’s expectation only serves to heighten the enjoyment I get out it.
So my quarter is over. Now I’m doing the “looking back” things. It’s been a wild 3 months. It’s hard to assess what I learned. Part of me thinks that I learned nothing, part of me thinks that I learned a lot. I think a good deal of my learning came from outside of class. This program is extremely expensive, and sometimes might seem hard to justify. But I think there is real value. The environment asks a whole different set of questions. I think this is the most important part. The way you think is shaped by the questions that are asked of you and the questions that you ask. And so far, the combination of seminary and psychology has forced a whole different set of questions on me, which is exciting. And I doubt I could it anywhere else. I mean, yes, every other place I would go would give me a unique set of considerations. But not every set of considerations are of equal value.
I have not found the program to be quite at the level of intensity I had expected it. But I think that’s okay. I think my anticipation was shaped from listening to Melissa talk about her optometry program. And it seems she is going full tilt, 95% of the time. This program hasn’t quite been like that. And parts of me were disappointed, and feeling like it’s not challenging enough, not intense enough, and can I really be getting good value. Yes, I could have worked harder, in my classes, no doubt. And I haven’t done much in the way of research. So the intensity will only increase. I hope that my efficiency increases to a corresponding degree. But those factors notwithstanding, I think that a program at a slightly more relaxed pace is of benefit in two ways: First, when I think about my values, I don’t want to be working at something all the time, with high intensity, high stress and high pressure (e.g. this summer at StatsCan). And second, when you have a little bit of leniency with your time, you have more time to read about your own interests, and get involved with other activities that can contribute to your learning in a way represented by Mark Twain’s quote, “Don’t let your classes get in the way of your education.”
(Now I am the airport in Calgary) I think another reason for my good mood, probably a large part of the reason, actually, is this book that I’m reading. The book is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. I decided to start reading it following a very brief conversation amongst a few of us on the type of books we enjoy and different styles of writing, (e.g. Catcher in the Rye as stream of consciousness). Istvan, a guy in my program, was trying to remember this book and said something about Zen and Motorcycles. For some reason this triggered some faint wisp of a memory of talking about this book. I still haven’t been able to place that memory. But often when I get confirming suggestions from very disparate sources, such this one, I strongly consider taking them. And no that I have gotten through about 160 pages of it, I am glad I did. The book is fascinating. It is the story of a man on a motorcycle trip with his son and two friends, which is the context for a journey of self discovery and a discussion of philosophy. The book is particularly meaningful in light of the unexpected presence of philosophy in which has penetrated my pedagogical experience at Fuller. Most notably is the tension between modernism and postmodernism, as each of these philosophical positions plays a large role in shaping past and current scholarship in psychology and theology. I don’t know nearly enough on anything in philosophy to speak of it in an educated manner, but I am excited to be reading about it and I can see that could become a central feature in my formation as a clinician and a theoretician/researcher and, more broadly, a person.
Okay, a sudden ending. But enough. Merry Christmas.
Now I am in Edmonton until Dec 31. Come visit me.
I hope you like the new look on the blog.
What follows was typed yesterday.)
I am in a great mood. I am sitting now in LAX waiting for my flight to Edmonton via Calgary. So I’m sure that that is part of the reason. Another reason is probably the great conversation I had yesterday with my friend Britta. We talked about all sorts of things, including environmentalism, politics (including Darfur, Iraq and Israel), and other stuff I don’t remember. Also, this morning I listened to a sermon by CS Weirsma. It was fantastic – first discussing global warming, and then relationships. So yeah. I’m walking around the airport with a smile on my face, and everyone is looking at me sideways, because people in airports are supposed to be quiet, not look at anyone or make eye contact, not smile, just keep to themselves and their own business in a pensive or focused way. So my behavior which messes with people’s expectation only serves to heighten the enjoyment I get out it.
So my quarter is over. Now I’m doing the “looking back” things. It’s been a wild 3 months. It’s hard to assess what I learned. Part of me thinks that I learned nothing, part of me thinks that I learned a lot. I think a good deal of my learning came from outside of class. This program is extremely expensive, and sometimes might seem hard to justify. But I think there is real value. The environment asks a whole different set of questions. I think this is the most important part. The way you think is shaped by the questions that are asked of you and the questions that you ask. And so far, the combination of seminary and psychology has forced a whole different set of questions on me, which is exciting. And I doubt I could it anywhere else. I mean, yes, every other place I would go would give me a unique set of considerations. But not every set of considerations are of equal value.
I have not found the program to be quite at the level of intensity I had expected it. But I think that’s okay. I think my anticipation was shaped from listening to Melissa talk about her optometry program. And it seems she is going full tilt, 95% of the time. This program hasn’t quite been like that. And parts of me were disappointed, and feeling like it’s not challenging enough, not intense enough, and can I really be getting good value. Yes, I could have worked harder, in my classes, no doubt. And I haven’t done much in the way of research. So the intensity will only increase. I hope that my efficiency increases to a corresponding degree. But those factors notwithstanding, I think that a program at a slightly more relaxed pace is of benefit in two ways: First, when I think about my values, I don’t want to be working at something all the time, with high intensity, high stress and high pressure (e.g. this summer at StatsCan). And second, when you have a little bit of leniency with your time, you have more time to read about your own interests, and get involved with other activities that can contribute to your learning in a way represented by Mark Twain’s quote, “Don’t let your classes get in the way of your education.”
(Now I am the airport in Calgary) I think another reason for my good mood, probably a large part of the reason, actually, is this book that I’m reading. The book is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. I decided to start reading it following a very brief conversation amongst a few of us on the type of books we enjoy and different styles of writing, (e.g. Catcher in the Rye as stream of consciousness). Istvan, a guy in my program, was trying to remember this book and said something about Zen and Motorcycles. For some reason this triggered some faint wisp of a memory of talking about this book. I still haven’t been able to place that memory. But often when I get confirming suggestions from very disparate sources, such this one, I strongly consider taking them. And no that I have gotten through about 160 pages of it, I am glad I did. The book is fascinating. It is the story of a man on a motorcycle trip with his son and two friends, which is the context for a journey of self discovery and a discussion of philosophy. The book is particularly meaningful in light of the unexpected presence of philosophy in which has penetrated my pedagogical experience at Fuller. Most notably is the tension between modernism and postmodernism, as each of these philosophical positions plays a large role in shaping past and current scholarship in psychology and theology. I don’t know nearly enough on anything in philosophy to speak of it in an educated manner, but I am excited to be reading about it and I can see that could become a central feature in my formation as a clinician and a theoretician/researcher and, more broadly, a person.
Okay, a sudden ending. But enough. Merry Christmas.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Prviate Health Care
Hey Folks,
I just saw this new item on msn (see link in the title). It's an article about the private ER clinic that opened up in Vancouver. I'm not going to say much here, because it's bed time and I have finals next week. But I feel I need to say something. Dear fellow Canadians: fight privatization of health care with all you've got. I love living here in southern California, no two ways about it. But privatized health here care is total shit. I'm serious. Things are so bad here. I don't care what anyone says about the promises and improvements. The American system is a very compelling example of why we can't go down that road; it is the inevitible future of privatization. You do not want what is here to come any nearer to you than it already is.
And that's my two cents. Go Canada.
I just saw this new item on msn (see link in the title). It's an article about the private ER clinic that opened up in Vancouver. I'm not going to say much here, because it's bed time and I have finals next week. But I feel I need to say something. Dear fellow Canadians: fight privatization of health care with all you've got. I love living here in southern California, no two ways about it. But privatized health here care is total shit. I'm serious. Things are so bad here. I don't care what anyone says about the promises and improvements. The American system is a very compelling example of why we can't go down that road; it is the inevitible future of privatization. You do not want what is here to come any nearer to you than it already is.
And that's my two cents. Go Canada.
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