mostly about deconstruction; a little about my issues and control

I’m changing a lot. Or maybe my personality isn’t changing a lot, but my worldview is. It’s hard to write what it is, because it’s always changing. I’ve learned a lot of things at seminary. I’ve learned a lot of things in my discussion group. I’ve learned a lot of things at church. I can’t articulate them all. There’s too many, and they change too often.* Often the process is called deconstruction. It’s the process of dismantling false beliefs which have served as the foundations of your faith, so that you can put newer, better stronger ones in. But the reconstruction doesn’t happen quite so readily as the deconstruction does. So there’s a transition period there. Also deconstruction looks very different from everyone, but everyone has such a different lens of characteristics and experiences through which to view the new information. So whatever you think deconstruction is (or might be), you’re probably potentially partially right for yourself and probably mostly wrong for me (which isn’t meant to be demeaning, it’s just too hard). And I would tell you more about it for me, but it’s too long of a story to be attempted in writing (unless I decide to write a book). Suffice it to say that at the beginning I really welcomed it, embraced it, but didn’t realize quite what it was, because I know I’d come to be dissatisfied with a lot of the answers I’d received.

I’ve got so much more to say, but I can’t say it all right now. I’m so wary of posting partial thoughts because there is so much danger that they will cause an unintended response in the reader. But what else can I do? It’s out of my control, no matter how completely I write. Writing more perfectly only increases the illusion of my control. So it’s probably better (for now, for my own growth) to just post incomplete things and just ask you to take it all with a few tablespoons (as opposed to a grain) of salt.

Peace to you.

*this began as part of an email composition, but became unwieldy for that purpose.