Okay, so “torn.” I am frustrated right now. But my frustration is dissipated by beauty. And (from one frame of reference*) the sources are the same, which is why I am torn. My frustration stems from Caltech’s library policy. As you all know, I am a student at Fuller Theological Seminary. Their library is closed on Sunday (which is totally legit and I can respect that). But for me, today, I wanted to go to study somewhere outside of my house. So I went to a coffee shop and was there for about 1.5 hours, but I decided I wanted a library. So I walked over to California Institute of Technology (aka Caltech), because they are a large, secular institution, so (I assumed) very likely to have at least one open library today. They do, but their policy is their libraries are open 8-5 weekdays to anyone, and outside those hours, the libraries are only available for Caltech students and the scientists of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. This was very frustrating for me. I feel like the ownership/territorial/belonging values that this policy endorses are antithetical to the purported values of the University.
My frustration is mitigated because I am surrounded by beauty^. Caltech is an amazing campus, not because its buildings are beautiful, but because of the landscaping of the grounds. I am currently sitting in front of a 3 level rock pool surrounded by all sorts of shrubs, bushes and trees. On the rocks in and on the edge of the pool, turtles sun themselves lazily. The waterfall bubbles gently, accentuating the soft melodies of Phil Wickham on my iPod. And so it is in this environment that I find it difficult to harbor the feelings of resentment towards the previous encounter. Not because the “rightness” of the latter experience cancels out the “wrongness” of the former in any objective manner, but only because the subjective of peace engendered by beauty is incompatible with the frustration of injustice#, for me at this moment.
May you all search for beauty, and, moreover, may you find it.
*frame of reference is a current question that I’d like to explore, in light of the philosophical implications of it, but it would be long, involved and not particularly scholastically informed, not to mention not directly relevant to this discussion, so I will omit it.
^I think that beauty is a an important feature of human experience. I’ve had some reflections on it in the past, and though not as much lately, I think it would be good to re-incorporate into my thinking.
#justice has been a big topic for me lately. I’d like to explore it more in some writings as well.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
It's funny
You know, it's funny. I'm experiencing my world in a few different realities. I think it depends on who I talk to, actually. Whenever I talk to people from back home, I have almost entirely good things to say. But when I think about my experience on a daily basis, it's not exactly "mountain-top" type stuff. And I wouldn't say it's been the subject of my conversations with my local friends. I don't think I'm lying either way, I just think certain things are more salient. And it's hard to convey true life when you talk for 5-20 min with a person thousands of km's away who you won't see in a long time and isn't part of your day to day context.
Furthermore, while getting ready for bed on Saturday night, I spontaneously realized* "Man, it's good to be alive." That is evidence of the tension, because it was accompanied by the realization that I hadn't truly experienced that feeling in a long time; though I'd been talking about good things, only at that moment did I realize* them to be true.
I also feel that at times, my brain is so full trying to keep track of everything I'm learning, all the deadlines I've got ahead of me for school and applications, all the possibilities for research, all the relational nuances, that at times I don't realized how I'm feeling. This is a new sensation, not more than 3 weeks ago I would have argued that I was singularly consumed by questions of meaning of purpose and engaged only in mindless distraction from the difficulty that those topics pose.
Furthermore, as I type, I wonder what type of forum this blog ought to be. As I process my current entry, I realize (please forgive the crudeness of this analogy) that this is a toilet bowl receptacle for mental diarrhea (it would be verbal diarrhea but I'm not speaking out loud). And that concept isn't particularly useful. I wonder if I could write about the interesting things I'm learning. My concern would that it might be difficult to follow if it were decontextualized. Plus, you might not be particularly interested in what I'm learning (or at least not as interested in it as you are in me). I suppose that a list of my actions and some superficial response might satisfy a happy medium. We'll see (seems like I end a lot of my recent posts like that). Salaam, Shalom, or in other words Peace to you.
*I use the word "realized" but I'm certain its not the right word. I would like a word that didn't imply the concept of mind, because it's more of a holistic realization. I considered a verbal form of kinesthetic, but decided that was too bodily. Here you see the issue of the mind-body dualism we have inherited from Descartes (or Plato, if you prefer), which we have blindly accepted as a true and valuable dichotomy, and now would fight to the death to hold on to, despite the fact that it is obviously (to me) an arbitrary delineation. (This, by the way, is what I am learning and I find it fascinating).
Furthermore, while getting ready for bed on Saturday night, I spontaneously realized* "Man, it's good to be alive." That is evidence of the tension, because it was accompanied by the realization that I hadn't truly experienced that feeling in a long time; though I'd been talking about good things, only at that moment did I realize* them to be true.
I also feel that at times, my brain is so full trying to keep track of everything I'm learning, all the deadlines I've got ahead of me for school and applications, all the possibilities for research, all the relational nuances, that at times I don't realized how I'm feeling. This is a new sensation, not more than 3 weeks ago I would have argued that I was singularly consumed by questions of meaning of purpose and engaged only in mindless distraction from the difficulty that those topics pose.
Furthermore, as I type, I wonder what type of forum this blog ought to be. As I process my current entry, I realize (please forgive the crudeness of this analogy) that this is a toilet bowl receptacle for mental diarrhea (it would be verbal diarrhea but I'm not speaking out loud). And that concept isn't particularly useful. I wonder if I could write about the interesting things I'm learning. My concern would that it might be difficult to follow if it were decontextualized. Plus, you might not be particularly interested in what I'm learning (or at least not as interested in it as you are in me). I suppose that a list of my actions and some superficial response might satisfy a happy medium. We'll see (seems like I end a lot of my recent posts like that). Salaam, Shalom, or in other words Peace to you.
*I use the word "realized" but I'm certain its not the right word. I would like a word that didn't imply the concept of mind, because it's more of a holistic realization. I considered a verbal form of kinesthetic, but decided that was too bodily. Here you see the issue of the mind-body dualism we have inherited from Descartes (or Plato, if you prefer), which we have blindly accepted as a true and valuable dichotomy, and now would fight to the death to hold on to, despite the fact that it is obviously (to me) an arbitrary delineation. (This, by the way, is what I am learning and I find it fascinating).
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Update
Hey folks,
I know it's been a long time since I posted last. It's hard to see how I will be able to post regularly. I don't have much motivation to post right now, because I'm in regular contact with a few people from home, and have lots of friends here. I'm sure there are lots of people who read the blog and I don't really know about it (sort of like the blogs I read). But it doesn't provide any reinforcement. Also, I feel like most of the things I do on a daily basis are not really post-worthy (i.e. I went to class today), while the questions I wrestle with in a deeper sense also don't really lend themselves to blogging (i.e. What is the meaning of life?). Furthermore, I have a lot of other more immediate pressures or interests (e.g. homework, or the kitchen is a mess, or there is this amazing book I could be reading). I've given a lot of excuses, here's my last one: The type of writing I do doesn't tend to lend itself to the type of time slot that I would have free to write (i.e. I write long rambling narratives, but I have limited time (and attention span)for writing).
All that aside, I'm still here. I decided as I was walking home tonight, having forgone an a (potentially) amazing talk on human trafficking, because my advisor had brought dinner to share after our discussion group (and didn't anticipate that others would have to leave immediately after - we all thought we'd eat during). So some others left but I stayed (and I don't regret it). This illustrates a couple of things which I like about my situation: There are frequent presentations regarding social justice on a whole range of topics from a wide variety of speakers; I have a great discussion group and network of relationships within it, that capture my attention. So those are a couple of the highlights.
A couple of other things I'm looking forward too...
There is a leadership retreat with ASC (The seminary's version of student council) this upcoming weekend. I'm not a part of the council but the retreat is open and I'm really looking forward to it. It will be about 1.5 hours away, towards Santa Barbara, and if the list of things to bring is an indication, it will be somewhat wilderness-y. A couple of my really good friends are going, so that is cool, but I will also have a chance to meet some others.
The other thing is that I have a meeting tomorrow with a lady from Union Station Foundation, which is an organization in Pasadena that helps the homeless and low-income families. I'm going to volunteer some time to work with them, probably starting in March. The lady I'm meeting with tomorrow works with a program to give job skills and assist in job searches. So it should give me some interaction which I'm looking forward to.
Okay, so that's all I've got energy for right now. The Oilers lost and I'm kind of sad about that, but I'm not too broken up because I've had to distance myself emotionally, since they've been bad since about November. We'll see when I post again. If I shoot for shorter posts, maybe just addressing one theme, it will help. I'll keep it in mind. Peace upon you.
I know it's been a long time since I posted last. It's hard to see how I will be able to post regularly. I don't have much motivation to post right now, because I'm in regular contact with a few people from home, and have lots of friends here. I'm sure there are lots of people who read the blog and I don't really know about it (sort of like the blogs I read). But it doesn't provide any reinforcement. Also, I feel like most of the things I do on a daily basis are not really post-worthy (i.e. I went to class today), while the questions I wrestle with in a deeper sense also don't really lend themselves to blogging (i.e. What is the meaning of life?). Furthermore, I have a lot of other more immediate pressures or interests (e.g. homework, or the kitchen is a mess, or there is this amazing book I could be reading). I've given a lot of excuses, here's my last one: The type of writing I do doesn't tend to lend itself to the type of time slot that I would have free to write (i.e. I write long rambling narratives, but I have limited time (and attention span)for writing).
All that aside, I'm still here. I decided as I was walking home tonight, having forgone an a (potentially) amazing talk on human trafficking, because my advisor had brought dinner to share after our discussion group (and didn't anticipate that others would have to leave immediately after - we all thought we'd eat during). So some others left but I stayed (and I don't regret it). This illustrates a couple of things which I like about my situation: There are frequent presentations regarding social justice on a whole range of topics from a wide variety of speakers; I have a great discussion group and network of relationships within it, that capture my attention. So those are a couple of the highlights.
A couple of other things I'm looking forward too...
There is a leadership retreat with ASC (The seminary's version of student council) this upcoming weekend. I'm not a part of the council but the retreat is open and I'm really looking forward to it. It will be about 1.5 hours away, towards Santa Barbara, and if the list of things to bring is an indication, it will be somewhat wilderness-y. A couple of my really good friends are going, so that is cool, but I will also have a chance to meet some others.
The other thing is that I have a meeting tomorrow with a lady from Union Station Foundation, which is an organization in Pasadena that helps the homeless and low-income families. I'm going to volunteer some time to work with them, probably starting in March. The lady I'm meeting with tomorrow works with a program to give job skills and assist in job searches. So it should give me some interaction which I'm looking forward to.
Okay, so that's all I've got energy for right now. The Oilers lost and I'm kind of sad about that, but I'm not too broken up because I've had to distance myself emotionally, since they've been bad since about November. We'll see when I post again. If I shoot for shorter posts, maybe just addressing one theme, it will help. I'll keep it in mind. Peace upon you.
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