Wednesday, February 14, 2007

It's funny

You know, it's funny. I'm experiencing my world in a few different realities. I think it depends on who I talk to, actually. Whenever I talk to people from back home, I have almost entirely good things to say. But when I think about my experience on a daily basis, it's not exactly "mountain-top" type stuff. And I wouldn't say it's been the subject of my conversations with my local friends. I don't think I'm lying either way, I just think certain things are more salient. And it's hard to convey true life when you talk for 5-20 min with a person thousands of km's away who you won't see in a long time and isn't part of your day to day context.

Furthermore, while getting ready for bed on Saturday night, I spontaneously realized* "Man, it's good to be alive." That is evidence of the tension, because it was accompanied by the realization that I hadn't truly experienced that feeling in a long time; though I'd been talking about good things, only at that moment did I realize* them to be true.

I also feel that at times, my brain is so full trying to keep track of everything I'm learning, all the deadlines I've got ahead of me for school and applications, all the possibilities for research, all the relational nuances, that at times I don't realized how I'm feeling. This is a new sensation, not more than 3 weeks ago I would have argued that I was singularly consumed by questions of meaning of purpose and engaged only in mindless distraction from the difficulty that those topics pose.

Furthermore, as I type, I wonder what type of forum this blog ought to be. As I process my current entry, I realize (please forgive the crudeness of this analogy) that this is a toilet bowl receptacle for mental diarrhea (it would be verbal diarrhea but I'm not speaking out loud). And that concept isn't particularly useful. I wonder if I could write about the interesting things I'm learning. My concern would that it might be difficult to follow if it were decontextualized. Plus, you might not be particularly interested in what I'm learning (or at least not as interested in it as you are in me). I suppose that a list of my actions and some superficial response might satisfy a happy medium. We'll see (seems like I end a lot of my recent posts like that). Salaam, Shalom, or in other words Peace to you.

*I use the word "realized" but I'm certain its not the right word. I would like a word that didn't imply the concept of mind, because it's more of a holistic realization. I considered a verbal form of kinesthetic, but decided that was too bodily. Here you see the issue of the mind-body dualism we have inherited from Descartes (or Plato, if you prefer), which we have blindly accepted as a true and valuable dichotomy, and now would fight to the death to hold on to, despite the fact that it is obviously (to me) an arbitrary delineation. (This, by the way, is what I am learning and I find it fascinating).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I enjoy reading about you ramblings. They convey a sense of where you are at, mentally, emotionally as well as physically. This approach allows the reader (well ME anyways) to ponder on their own journey and also to feel more connected to yours while you are miles away. Thakns for the ramblings